I left school at sixteen to become a writer...
The only examination I’ve ever passed is my cervical smear test.
I penned my first novel Puberty Blues aged 17, as revenge on the surfie boys with whom I grew up. The blokes disproved the theory of evolution – they were evolving into apes. The book became a cult classic proving that poetic justice is the only true justice in the world – and I say that having been married to a lawyer!
Dropping your own name is quite a weird art form, so I’m going to let my publishers do it.
Kathy Lette first achieved succès de scandale as a teenager with the novel Puberty Blues, which was made into a major film and a TV mini-series.
After several years as a newspaper columnist and television sitcom writer for Columbia Pictures in America, she wrote numerous international bestsellers including Mad Cows (which was made into a film starring Joanna Lumley and Anna Friel), How to Kill Your Husband and Other Handy Household Hints (recently staged by the Victorian Opera, Australia), To Love, Honour and Betray and The Boy Who Fell To Earth. Her novels have been published in seventeen languages around the world.
Kathy appears regularly as a guest on the BBC and Sky News. She is an ambassador for Plan International, The National Autistic Society, Their World and Ambitious about Autism. In 2004 she was the London Savoy Hotel’s Writer in Residence where a cocktail named after her can still be ordered.
Kathy is an autodidact (a word she obviously taught herself) but in 2010, received an honorary doctorate from Southampton Solent University.
Kathy lives in London with her husband and two children. She cites her career highlights as once teaching Stephen Fry a word, Salman Rushdie, the limbo and scripting Julian Assange’s cameo in the Simpsons 500th episode.”
I’ve added some of my favourite photos to a gallery for you of the people who are my human wonder bras – uplifting and supportive and making me look bigger and better. There may be a few faces here you recognise – but nobody two-faced, that’s for sure. Now you’ll know the things I get up to when I should be writing….
Read at your own risqué
What do women really want in bed? Breakfast. Oh, and a good book. If you’re looking for a funny, frivolous yet feisty new read, do slip between my covers. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Believe nearly everything you read...
What I'm up to
A window into my world...
Here’s a selection of scribblings in which I peel down to my emotional underwear – a psychological striptease that occasionally reveals all.
One-liners, wise cracks and witticisms
I think women are each other’s human Wonderbras – uplifting, supportive and making each other look bigger and better.
If he wants breakfast, tell him to sleep in the kitchen.
Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
Many marriages break up for religious reasons – he thinks he’s a god and she doesn’t.
Love prepares you for marriage the way needlepoint prepares you for round-the-world solo yachting.
Boys will be boys, and so will a load of middle-aged boys who should know better.
Ladies who lynch.
No wife ever shot a husband while he was vacuuming.
I think therefore I’m divorced.
All husbands think they’re Gods. If only their wives weren’t atheists.
Happy wife = happy life.
I couldn’t ask for a better husband… as much as I’d bloody well like to.
Statistically, 100% of divorces begin with marriage.
Marriage is nature’s way of promoting masturbation.
Marriage is a fun-packed, frivolous activity – only occasionally resulting in death.
It’ll be an amicable split. You’ll both get 50 % of the acrimony.
A new invention is required. The monogamous husband. Patent Pending.
How Do I Hate Thee? Let me Count the Ways.
My wedding vows didn’t say To Love, Hoover and Obey.
I’m Having my period so can therefore legally kill you.
You are going to enjoy this marriage, even if I have to divorce you to do so.
A happy marriage is like an orgasm – many of them are faked.
All this emphasis on women faking orgasms, but what about men faking foreplay?
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
Why don’t women tell jokes? Because we marry them.
What does a woman really want in bed? Breakfast.
For women, life is full of lies – I mean doctors maintain that wrinkles don’t hurt.
Legal aid cuts prove that the Tories believe a person is innocent until proven destitute.
Sexist men are so stupid it makes you want to take the ‘men’ out of Mensa.
If a man ever tells you that women fall at his feet – it’s only because he gets them drunk first.
A woman must always fight back. Never just lie back and think of Canberra.
The best cure for menopause is the toy boy diet. A case of having Your Beefcake and Eating It Too.
I don’t fake orgasms. I’m faking being six foot one and seven stone.
Trophy wives tarnish quickly and then get left on the shelf.
Lawyers work 24/7. The partners of lawyers suffer from a bad case of subpoena envy.
Most shrinks should book an appointment with themselves.
The question on the minds of most women is – why doesn’t chocolate go straight to your boobs?
Don’t fall for a man’s puppy dog look… Just get him wormed.
It’s been so long since a man has touched me, not even medical science will want my body.
My top tip for keeping your youth? Lock him in the pool house.